Periodic Table of Frameworks · Fears · Life
At
4 parts
Attachment styles
John Bowlby / Mary Ainsworth / Kim Bartholomew
You want a love that holds. The problem is you keep living the same year with a new face. Four styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, fearful. They sit on two questions — am I enough, will they stay. Leave the style unnamed and every fork is the childhood again. Name it and the next person is a person, not a rerun.
I am enough
I am not enough
They will stay
They will leave
Secure
Enough, and they stay.
Anxious
Not enough. They might stay.
Avoidant
Enough. They will leave.
Fearful
Not enough, and they leave.
Hover or tap a piece.
In one line
A life with other people is one of four: secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful. The two fears, over years, become a style.
Use this on a life. It answers: What are you afraid of?
How this talks to the others
Leads into
Two fearsThe two fears, over years, calcify into a style. Anxious is not-loved. Avoidant is not-enough dressed as not needing.
Leads into
Five love languagesThe style decides which language you can actually receive. Anxious hears silence. Avoidant hears a demand.
Pushes against
Six human needsCertainty versus connection is the avoidant/anxious split wearing needs. They disagree about which hunger is the real one.
Leads into
Dickens ProcessThe future of not changing is the style with a longer beard. See it dated, or the next person is a rerun.
Seminars